Cheese Sauce

One could argue that all artists are heavily influenced by great mentors. Figures who guide through the journey that ultimately leads the artist to tremendous success and fortune. Aristotle had Plato, Rocky had Mickey, and I have Babs.

Babs is a petite Italian women from Southwest Philadelphia. Although she looks innocent, she has honed the talent to strike the fear of God into anyone, from children to grown men, with one terrifying look.



She is also my mother.



After about a week of a delirious craving for ooey gooey Mac & Cheese, I decided to finally do something about it. An impostor sample of what Wegman's called "Mac & Cheese" was greasy and tasteless in my mouth. I felt cheap and used afterwords. Thankfully Babs, who is also a superb chef, agrees to aid in my quest to prepare the classic dish. When I say "aid" I really mean that she will supervise my activity so that I don't injure myself and more importantly, destroy her immaculate kitchen.


You should know, that the recipe Babs uses is very unique and difficult to for the average person to follow. Recognizing that I am not of this culinary intellect, Babs finds me an alternative recipe on BettyCrocker.com. Can't go wrong with Betty... or Babs.


Family-Favorite Macaroni & Cheese
*NOTE: I advise following this recipe, and not relying on my ill perceived version.

Necessary components

If you can read, you can follow this recipe. If you are literate and can follow the directions in order, you've got the gold medal. For those of you who need further proof; I managed to get through this recipe with an edible dish. Satisfied? 


Milk is needed for this entree. Apparently unaware of this, I used the last bit of the ration for my delicious bowl of Total that morning. Yes, I'm still eating cereal at an unrealistic rate, but kicking the habit is a process. Just like Promises rehab is for famous people, it should take about 3 days. I'm what some may call the Lindsay Lohan of the General Mills fix.


Giant is less populated than Wegman's, but equally as terrifying. I decide to make it quick and grab a pint of store-brand skim milk. I have a love/hate relationship with grocery stores. Love what they stand for, but am uncomfortable with how much work is involved in the trip. Coupons, aisles, deli counters, teenagers who can't bag properly and crush your potato chips, shopping carts, and ugh, the dreaded self-checkout. Few have conquered the self-checkout and live to tell the tale. 

Al dente macaroni

Returning home, I find that Babs has already cooked the macaroni. It seems she knew there was a decent chance I'd screw up this task and took the liberty of pretty much guaranteeing herself a decent meal that night.


With the macaroni step out of the way, Babs instructs me to start on the homemade cheese sauce. This is tricky, as it requires the skills of attention and preparation. Both of which I do not have, but that's why I have a coach.

Boring butter

Using a medium saucepan, I melt a stick of butter, which is about as entertaining as watching your boyfriend play StarCraft. Next, add the salt, paper, mustard and Worcestershire sauce, (what a fun word to say!). Combine over medium heat, and continue to stir occasionally. I bring the mixture to a boil while adding the milk and stir for about a minute. Then the fun part; go for it and dump a bag of shredded cheddar cheese like your candy-filled pillow case on Halloween. Let go and gaze at mouthwatering concoction. If society approved I would end it right here and suck the sauce through a straw, right from the saucepan. Fortunately, Babs has brought me up with a touch of class. I opt to licking the spoon.


In it's designated bowl, the cooked macaroni waits for its baptism of the Holy Cheese. Fold in the mixture until it is equally dispersed throughout the dish. At this point, things look bland and uncomfortably orange. Paprika is the icing on the cake. A few sprinkles of this magic in a bottle and the mac & cheese looks somewhat appetizing.

Mac & Cheese after the Paprika makeover.

Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes, or until "bubbly" according to the Crocker folks. Top-layer crunch preference is an element that should be handled with care. This is vital, as sogginess is never appealing and too much bite can resemble the consistency of stale gum.


Babs, close friends, and especially myself were shocked when I actually made this dish and it tasted good. "Good" being defined as that a) It tasted close to what it was intended to taste like, b) The kitchen remained char-free, and c) I didn't cry.
There may be a glimmer of hope for me after all.


*Special thanks to the infamous Babs for her supervision and patience.